Thinking About Becoming Polyamorous?

September 29th, 2009

Polamory is, according to Wikipedia.

“The practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved”

This goes against what most people know and accept which can be known as Monogamy

I have been polyamorous for about 3 months now and it’s working out fine. It was tough at the start though. For me, Polyamory is not about being afraid of comitting to a single relationship. It is the idea that I am capable of loving more than one person. It’s about being open and trusting enough to allow yourself to experience abundance with friends and sexual variety. For a moment bring your frame of reference inside of you. Forget anyone elses beliefs. If it were totally up to you and nobody could get hurt, would you like to experience more sexual variety? If so then you have a problem if you are still monogamous, you are lying to yourself. You want one thing but project another, it’s difficult to live like this.

If you are unsure about whether you would like to explore polyamory then her are some questions you may like to ask yourself.

• If nobody elses opinion mattered to me and I was coming from my true self would I like to experience it?
• Is fear controlling this decision?
• If I completely trusted my current partner. wouldn’t this be a great thing for us to experience together?
• Would this take love away from what I have with my current partner?

A lot of people that I know who are considering the polyamorous lifestyle are seeing that it could work for them but are still trapped in fear. They have to switch from being scared of what other people think to coming from their true self which has no fear.

I came across this decision because I realised that it fits in with the theme of loving all things. How can I love just one person on a certain level and totally ignore the obvious sexual attraction to others and fact that I want to enjoy life with all things equally? Polyamory is an internal shift by the way. You may not find anyone on the outside for a while but internally you have shifted and your relationships will eventually follow.

Polyamory Myths & Truths

• TRUTH: You will not enjoy it if you are a jealous person – Picture to yourself what it would be like to know your partner is seeing somebody of the opposite sex apart from you. What feelings come up? Do you get an overwhelming sense of anger and jealousy or are you glad that your partner is having fun and feel that nothing is being taken away from what you have? Be totally honest with yourself here.
• FALSE: Polyamory is swinging – This is the first myth that many hear. Swinging is when couples get together and have sexual intercourse with each other. Polyamory in my opinion at least is more about having a loving connection with several people. It’s more about sex in swinging, not that Polyamory isn’t it just has a more love-centric focus.
• FALSE: The kids will be less loved because their are more people – Anyone who has kids should consider what would happen to them if you were to make a huge change in your lifestyle. Polyamory can definitely be a huge change. Let me ask you this. Do you love any of your friends less because you get more friends or lose more friends? You can love all equally can’t you? I would recommend if you have children to not bring partners into the home environment until you have been with your partner for so long and feel that they would fit into your house. This is going beyond the depth of this article but books I’ve heard good reviews about are The Ethical Slut and Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits.
• Depends: My partner might lie or things might get complicated – You have to have total transparency when you enter into Polyamory. If you are going into it with your current partner then both of you must agree to tell each other everything. Just one little lie can bring up a whole host of negative emotions but if you go into it with total truth then you will have a better chance of enjoying it.

Dip your toes – This is one of those things that instead of submersing yourself into it from the start I recommend you make small steps towards. I’d say you should start reading a couple of books about it, join some forums and see from there. It definitely helps to learn int his area before jumping in head first.

People will think that polyamory is an unacceptable lifestyle and you have to accept that if you feel you would like to experience it. Many things that have become accepted in recent years go through the stage of opposition, then violent opposition then finally acceptance and this is no different. A lot of it goes on behind closed doors. It has been common practice for a long time but because it is not so “in your face” most people have never even heard of it.

You may face harsh criticism from those close to you if you do decide to do it but isn’t that the way with any major change in your life? If te people around you are not willing to accept this, let them go and move on to people who fully accept you for who you are. For it to work you have to be a pretty advanced human being. You have to largely overcome anger, fear, jealousy and have the resources to provide for several partnerships. If you find yourself entering into it and negative emotions come up then maybe you are not quite ready for it yet.

It’s all about attachment. If you are totally unattached to something but allow yourself to experience it then you are living in accordance with natures basic laws.