We all have friends that make you feel great. On the other hand, we have friends who make you feel awful. The questions is, why do you still hang around with them?
This isn’t a rhetorical question.
Why?
Actually ask yourself because it gives you clarity to see what answers come back.
My excuse was I didn’t want to socialize with them but felt I had no choice. I work from home so had a pretty introverted social life. 99% of my friends were energy drainers. They’re on the same level and I was at that level for a long time. I started improving my life quickly and felt a huge disconnect from them. They seemed happy to just get by.
I don’t believe that there are a lack of friends out there that are like you, you are a proof that humans can reach that level. It’s a valuable lesson to teach these people to have high self respect and you could teach them that by not taking their rubbish and moving on. Haven’t all lessons that you’ve learnt in your own life come from someone respecting themselves too much for a level of treatment and rising above it. You could give this lesson to someone else.
I try not to be angry at them. We’ve all been there and they’re just not ready yet. Just keep knowing it’s for their good and your own.
First Step
Get a list of the people that you have seen in the last month. Estimate how many hours you spend with each person. In the column after that note how you feel after being around them. -5 and 5 being each end of the scale. Feel free to include family as well, they’re not exceptional to this.
-5: Amazing and refreshed
-3: Considerably better than when we met
-1: Feel better but barely
0: Feel no difference (neutral)
1: Feel worse but barely
3: Considerably worse than when we met
5: Terrible and depressed
Now compile that list. Just open Notepad, it’ll take a second and you’ll get some real eye opening data. Now what you do is create a final column which is a multiplication of the hours spent and energy.
It should look like this at the end.
Friend A – 30 hours (Energy 5) = 150
Friend B – 3 hours (Energy -3) = -90
Friend C – 10 hours (Energy -5) = 0
From the above example it is obvious that this person spends too much time with Friend A. The high score indicates this. On the other hand Friend B leaves them feeling “Considerably better than when we met” but only 3 hours a week is spent with them. Stop seeing friend A and see friend b for those 30 hours you’re making up for. It’s simple, and effective.
The lower numbers are areas of improvement and the the higher numbers mean you should cut back contact with that person.
The Source
A social mentality that a lot of people have is that there is a head of a group of friends, sometimes called an “alpha”. They are the groups energy source. This can be a good or a bad thing but one thing that is certain is that being around them seriously affects you.
Positive energy people are head of the group because people see their positive energy and warm to it, it makes them feel good. Negative energy people are head of the group because people live in fear. The difference is chalk and cheese. Fear and Love.
The Energy Drainers
These people suffer from varying degrees of Excusitis and can often by found holding up and helping maintain each others limiting beliefs about life by relaying how terrible their day has been. Conversation topics regularly centre on
1. The Weather (Mainly my fellow Brits)
2. What “That idiot” did to me, and
3. Their own “bad luck”.
These people can easily be spotted and I know you all know one of them, maybe personally.
How do you know which you are? Here’s a little test.
Do your friends reveal deep things to you? Would they tell you a secret that they wouldn’t tell others? If the answer is no then you’re probably a negative energy person or a neutral one at best. It’s cool though, we’ve all been there. Just have the guts to admit it and move on.
Amplified Energy
The reason these two sets of people don’t mix is that their energies are opposites. The high energy people might as well not exist to the lower energy ones. All the lower energy people can see is their low energy friends and their mind thinks “Sheesh, maybe life really is just hard and everyone is suffering like this”. This is why meeting new people is such a thrilling experience. You find sides to yourself you didn’t even know you had.
When a group of really high or really low energy people get together, their energy is multiplied to more than the sum of their parts. Let me explain that. 10 high energy people together can change the world permanently for the good and 10 low energy people have their energy multiplied to create human shames like 9/11 and The Holocaust. They’re not that insane on their own. It’s thinking as a group that turns you insane.
How many positive world changing people worked alone and how many world changing negative people worked in a group? This is why you have to be so conscious of your energy level and that of those around you. Do you think Hitler or the 9/11 bombers thought that they were influenced by others? Of course not. They are unconscious to what’s happening.
Turning Up Your Energy
Firstly, realise that you can’t just start to socialize with the highest energy people starting today. They know about low energy and are well prepared.. They set up systems of mazes and hoops that you have to jump through to get to them. Low energy people will shit all over your high energy if they get to you. Most of them will give up after a few hurdles it’s too hard and they don’t want it that badly. It’s Darwin all over again. Only the strongest will get through and that’s the entire purpose of it.
You have to change yourself first. You have to shift to that level and you will find high positive energy attracts itself and people will pop up from nowhere.. If you have to sit indoors for a month, so be it. This is a life changing proposition I’m offering here. Here’s how its done:
Be Grateful – High Energy people appreciate things. They find gratitude in the simplest things like a quiet coffee with friends. Find something you can appreciate, anything. Ask yourself the question “What could I be appreciative of right now if I had to find something?” then listen.
Start Mixing With Less Friends – High energy people don’t just socialize with tonnes of people. They have 5 friends who are AMAZINGLY high energy them rather than 50 friends with ” I’m getting by” energy. When you have to deal with lots of people you have to deal with lots of different levels of energy and that’s just going to make your energy go haywire all day.
Stop Feeling Obligation – If a person does not depend on you for one of the 5 basic needs (housing, food, water, money and housing) then the best social lesson you can give them is to leave them if they have really low energy. Don’t think a number of years doing something makes you good at it or means you should stay with them. Being friends for 10 years often means you’ve not grown enough.
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P.S. – Whilst writing this article I was interrupted by phonecalls and a knock on the door from my biggest personal energy drain (unfortunately a family member). And just thought I’d tell you about the synchronicity. The universe is always listening to your thoughts.
