Reading about role models can make you uncomfortable sometimes because they might be doing so much better than you in an area of your life that it makes you feel like you’ve failed. Try your best not to dwell on these thoughts though and let them be your inspiration rather than feeling shame or inadequacy.

I like picking role models in my life and surround myself with them. Why do you think people put up posters of Muhammad Ali or Martin Luther King? Their subconscious sees it and it becomes part of their personality. If you read enough about them and have their thoughts circulating around your head that you will become like them. As Buddha said, we are an accumulation of all we have thought. It’s impossible to have thoughts in your head over the long term and not be affected by them.

A few of my role models are :

• Eckhart Tolle - My main spiritual mentor. This is the man that truly sparked my understanding of “the self/ego” and realizing that on a level beyond physical things. I am already perfect. Before this all personal development felt selfish but now I have a clearer understanding of what my true nature is I don’t feel this anywhere near as often. His first book is easily the most influential of my life, bar none. It allowed me to feel a deep unshakable peace unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced and a knowing that all was good in the world. He inspires me to stay present and watch the craziness of the human mind.
• Lao Tzu - Although he’s dead, I feel his book the Tao Te Ching contains eternal wisdom and is one of the deepest spiritual book around today. Eckhart Tolle has been carrying around a copy of it with him for decades. He also speaks to my creativity. He uses a minimalist kind of poetry to connect with you.
• Dean Karnazes (Runner) – This man is all about persistence. He ran 100 miles in under 24 hours non stop, ran a 200 mile race on his own and his book “Ultra Marathon Man” is incredible.
• Steve Pavlina – Before reading of Steve Pavlina, I was a typically convinced Atheist (don’t worry there isn’t a Christian rant coming up!). I read some of his posts and found that he was really logical with his thinking in some areas which connected with me deeply but he also wrote on spirituality! This was a shock to my system because to me you couldn’t combine the too. I found my spiritual side through him and he is the biggest influence in my life in terms of cutting edge personal development. He’s where all my passion for personal development comes from. I thought his blog was good but his book is just on another level and helped me achieve so much in 2010 already.

You’ll often find that your role models combined will reflect a mixture of your current personality and where you’re heading.Your role models will change over time. People can only teach you so much and there is such a variety out there that you should never stop looking to learn more.

Who would you say are your top role models in your life at the moment? What does this say about where you are and where you are heading? Do you feel a deep connection with them or are you just answering the questions?!?!

Role Models Are Within Us

I once heard that reading a book is like sitting down with the greatest minds in history. I wanted to take it a little further and actually sit with them but I’m not into digging up graves. Let me explain.

I know that all other people are a projection of my mind and take that as a given. If you don’t agree with me here, show me where “other people” exists. Lao Tzu doesn’t exist anywhere in external reality. He’s dead but I still think about him so where is he alive? I have a mental concept of him from all I’ve read and thought about. All I have ever had of Eckhart Tolle is a mental concept as I’ve never met the guy. Unless you’re directly interacting with something right now you can never be 100% sure if it exists, can you?

Asking For Guidance

The next step here is in your mind to ask for guidance from them. Sit down with them in a room in your mind and ask them questions and listen for the answers. Be prepared with a blank document as this can be seriously realistic and I sometimes find myself typing 600 miles an hour from the answers that I’m receiving.

Really interact with them though. Try and experience them with as much depth as you can. Use your vision, smell, feeling etc and deepen the feeling that you’re actually there. I find it useful to make their characters seem realistic and life like. The have bodies, regular clothing, habitual tendencies and I say goodbye at the end etc.

You will create the experience of sitting with someone you truly admire and to your mind this was real. It’s like if someone tells you that you are going to die your mind will react with an immediate state of fear. If it’s one of your friends calling you playing about then there was no actual danger but you still experienced the fear. Your mind believes what it’s told.

What I love most about this technique is that I know that the answers are within me. They’re not in some external place that I have to travel to or strive for. I have all the answers and it’s just a process of finding them and using the right techniques.

Problem Solving

This is really useful when facing a problem in your life where the answer is not clear and you could do with multiple perspectives from outside of your own repetitive thoughts. You can go to all of your role models and ask each of them for their view and then go through your notes. I was amazed the first time I did this and honestly thought it was a stupid idea but the experience is eye opening. When I got up, I felt like I’d been chatting along with people who I admired and it made me feel fantastic!

Strengthen Your Connection

Maybe the person you have as your role model has a biography or autobiography and you could read that. This really helps you get into the same state of being as them. Listening to Tony Robbins motivational tapes every day will get you into a state very similar to his and the same with Eckhart Tolle for spiritual depth. You are the combination of the top 5 people you associate with. If you can’t physically meet them then this technique works wonders.

If you have no role models at the moment then that’s fine. Pick something that you’d like to become amazing at and then go and read about someone who is already where you want to be and by developing your mental concept of them you can ask them questions.

It’s really just a technique for accessing a higher self you but works really well. To be honest, it works just as well to create a totally fictitious character who has all the characteristics that you want and talk to this person. Now you can connect and recieve guidance from all these amazing people without ever moving a muscle.

We all have friends that make you feel great. On the other hand, we have friends who make you feel awful. The questions is, why do you still hang around with them?

This isn’t a rhetorical question.

Why?

Actually ask yourself because it gives you clarity to see what answers come back.

My excuse was I didn’t want to socialize with them but felt I had no choice. I work from home so had a pretty introverted social life. 99% of my friends were energy drainers. They’re on the same level and I was at that level for a long time. I started improving my life quickly and felt a huge disconnect from them. They seemed happy to just get by.

I don’t believe that there are a lack of friends out there that are like you, you are a proof that humans can reach that level. It’s a valuable lesson to teach these people to have high self respect and you could teach them that by not taking their rubbish and moving on. Haven’t all lessons that you’ve learnt in your own life come from someone respecting themselves too much for a level of treatment and rising above it. You could give this lesson to someone else.

I try not to be angry at them. We’ve all been there and they’re just not ready yet. Just keep knowing it’s for their good and your own.

First Step

Get a list of the people that you have seen in the last month. Estimate how many hours you spend with each person. In the column after that note how you feel after being around them. -5 and 5 being each end of the scale. Feel free to include family as well, they’re not exceptional to this.

-5: Amazing and refreshed
-3: Considerably better than when we met
-1: Feel better but barely
0: Feel no difference (neutral)
1: Feel worse but barely
3: Considerably worse than when we met
5: Terrible and depressed

Now compile that list. Just open Notepad, it’ll take a second and you’ll get some real eye opening data. Now what you do is create a final column which is a multiplication of the hours spent and energy.

It should look like this at the end.

Friend A – 30 hours (Energy 5) = 150
Friend B – 3 hours (Energy -3) = -90
Friend C – 10 hours (Energy -5) = 0

From the above example it is obvious that this person spends too much time with Friend A. The high score indicates this. On the other hand Friend B leaves them feeling “Considerably better than when we met” but only 3 hours a week is spent with them. Stop seeing friend A and see friend b for those 30 hours you’re making up for. It’s simple, and effective.

The lower numbers are areas of improvement and the the higher numbers mean you should cut back contact with that person.

The Source

A social mentality that a lot of people have is that there is a head of a group of friends, sometimes called an “alpha”. They are the groups energy source. This can be a good or a bad thing but one thing that is certain is that being around them seriously affects you.

Positive energy people are head of the group because people see their positive energy and warm to it, it makes them feel good. Negative energy people are head of the group because people live in fear. The difference is chalk and cheese. Fear and Love.

The Energy Drainers

These people suffer from varying degrees of Excusitis and can often by found holding up and helping maintain each others limiting beliefs about life by relaying how terrible their day has been. Conversation topics regularly centre on

1. The Weather (Mainly my fellow Brits)
2. What “That idiot” did to me, and
3. Their own “bad luck”.

These people can easily be spotted and I know you all know one of them, maybe personally.

How do you know which you are? Here’s a little test.

Do your friends reveal deep things to you? Would they tell you a secret that they wouldn’t tell others? If the answer is no then you’re probably a negative energy person or a neutral one at best. It’s cool though, we’ve all been there. Just have the guts to admit it and move on.

Amplified Energy

The reason these two sets of people don’t mix is that their energies are opposites. The high energy people might as well not exist to the lower energy ones. All the lower energy people can see is their low energy friends and their mind thinks “Sheesh, maybe life really is just hard and everyone is suffering like this”. This is why meeting new people is such a thrilling experience. You find sides to yourself you didn’t even know you had.

When a group of really high or really low energy people get together, their energy is multiplied to more than the sum of their parts. Let me explain that. 10 high energy people together can change the world permanently for the good and 10 low energy people have their energy multiplied to create human shames like 9/11 and The Holocaust. They’re not that insane on their own. It’s thinking as a group that turns you insane.

How many positive world changing people worked alone and how many world changing negative people worked in a group? This is why you have to be so conscious of your energy level and that of those around you. Do you think Hitler or the 9/11 bombers thought that they were influenced by others? Of course not. They are unconscious to what’s happening.

Turning Up Your Energy

Firstly, realise that you can’t just start to socialize with the highest energy people starting today. They know about low energy and are well prepared.. They set up systems of mazes and hoops that you have to jump through to get to them. Low energy people will shit all over your high energy if they get to you. Most of them will give up after a few hurdles it’s too hard and they don’t want it that badly. It’s Darwin all over again. Only the strongest will get through and that’s the entire purpose of it.

You have to change yourself first. You have to shift to that level and you will find high positive energy attracts itself and people will pop up from nowhere.. If you have to sit indoors for a month, so be it. This is a life changing proposition I’m offering here. Here’s how its done:

Be Grateful – High Energy people appreciate things. They find gratitude in the simplest things like a quiet coffee with friends. Find something you can appreciate, anything. Ask yourself the question “What could I be appreciative of right now if I had to find something?” then listen.

Start Mixing With Less Friends – High energy people don’t just socialize with tonnes of people. They have 5 friends who are AMAZINGLY high energy them rather than 50 friends with ” I’m getting by” energy. When you have to deal with lots of people you have to deal with lots of different levels of energy and that’s just going to make your energy go haywire all day.

Stop Feeling Obligation – If a person does not depend on you for one of the 5 basic needs (housing, food, water, money and housing) then the best social lesson you can give them is to leave them if they have really low energy. Don’t think a number of years doing something makes you good at it or means you should stay with them. Being friends for 10 years often means you’ve not grown enough.

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P.S. – Whilst writing this article I was interrupted by phonecalls and a knock on the door from my biggest personal energy drain (unfortunately a family member). And just thought I’d tell you about the synchronicity. The universe is always listening to your thoughts.

Connecting with your family

See them more regularly – One of the top New Years resolutions year upon year is to see family more. It’s like an eternal itch, we all know we should do it, but we don’t make time for it. When you’re on your deathbed, you’re going to regret every moment that you spent wasting time and wish you’d put it into productive use like seeing your family, make a conscious choice against it.

Accept their faults – They’re not even really faults, they are differences from the social norm that make them unique, a good thing right? Great thinkers tend to differ from the social norm, leading to a general rise in consciousness.

Let the quiet family member decide – If a decision is to be made, they will feel empowered and appreciated and may even come out of their shell more.

It doesn’t cost alot (or even any) money – Have you ever noticed how if you get a child a big toy at christmas, they have more fun playing with the actual box that the £100 toy? Children don’t know the value of money, they trade their value in fun.

Give them your time over your money – People don’t care how many presents you give them, or how much those presents costs. It’s the fact that they care about you and recognisation that’s the underlying current here. Recognise them for who they are. Spend an hour simply listening to them, don’t be formulating your next answer to the question, just be totally present with them.

Set group goals – When a goal is spread around people and they are empowered, they are much easier to achieve. Sit down and set goals that benefit all the family, because you will be with them mroe often and working towards a common goal, you will be effective, efficient and connecting all at the same time, triple bonus!

Connecting with strangers

Give an unselfish gift- Giving a gift without expecting anything in return is one of the best qualities a person can develop. If the person knows that you don’t expect anything in return, they will be grateful. Do this regularly. and a bond is created whereby nobody is owed anything, but each person would give to the other unconditionally.

Talk to someone in public, anyone - Make a comment about the weather (it’s all the English ever talk about) or the football, most people will be glad that you’ve talked to them. Try and mention something during the conversation that you have in common, and mention their name!

Never underestimate the power of a smile and kind words – A compliment has deeper effect than we can imagine. I once saw a video on youtube where a man, inspired by a film, filled up strangers gas tanks at petrol stations for free, one guy who said he’d had a really bad week, nearly started crying with appreciation at the selfnessness.

“The practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved”

This goes against what most people know and accept which can be known as Monogamy

I have been polyamorous for about 3 months now and it’s working out fine. It was tough at the start though. For me, Polyamory is not about being afraid of comitting to a single relationship. It is the idea that I am capable of loving more than one person. It’s about being open and trusting enough to allow yourself to experience abundance with friends and sexual variety. For a moment bring your frame of reference inside of you. Forget anyone elses beliefs. If it were totally up to you and nobody could get hurt, would you like to experience more sexual variety? If so then you have a problem if you are still monogamous, you are lying to yourself. You want one thing but project another, it’s difficult to live like this.

If you are unsure about whether you would like to explore polyamory then her are some questions you may like to ask yourself.

• If nobody elses opinion mattered to me and I was coming from my true self would I like to experience it?
• Is fear controlling this decision?
• If I completely trusted my current partner. wouldn’t this be a great thing for us to experience together?
• Would this take love away from what I have with my current partner?

A lot of people that I know who are considering the polyamorous lifestyle are seeing that it could work for them but are still trapped in fear. They have to switch from being scared of what other people think to coming from their true self which has no fear.

I came across this decision because I realised that it fits in with the theme of loving all things. How can I love just one person on a certain level and totally ignore the obvious sexual attraction to others and fact that I want to enjoy life with all things equally? Polyamory is an internal shift by the way. You may not find anyone on the outside for a while but internally you have shifted and your relationships will eventually follow.

Polyamory Myths & Truths

• TRUTH: You will not enjoy it if you are a jealous person – Picture to yourself what it would be like to know your partner is seeing somebody of the opposite sex apart from you. What feelings come up? Do you get an overwhelming sense of anger and jealousy or are you glad that your partner is having fun and feel that nothing is being taken away from what you have? Be totally honest with yourself here.
• FALSE: Polyamory is swinging – This is the first myth that many hear. Swinging is when couples get together and have sexual intercourse with each other. Polyamory in my opinion at least is more about having a loving connection with several people. It’s more about sex in swinging, not that Polyamory isn’t it just has a more love-centric focus.
• FALSE: The kids will be less loved because their are more people – Anyone who has kids should consider what would happen to them if you were to make a huge change in your lifestyle. Polyamory can definitely be a huge change. Let me ask you this. Do you love any of your friends less because you get more friends or lose more friends? You can love all equally can’t you? I would recommend if you have children to not bring partners into the home environment until you have been with your partner for so long and feel that they would fit into your house. This is going beyond the depth of this article but books I’ve heard good reviews about are The Ethical Slut and Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits.
• Depends: My partner might lie or things might get complicated – You have to have total transparency when you enter into Polyamory. If you are going into it with your current partner then both of you must agree to tell each other everything. Just one little lie can bring up a whole host of negative emotions but if you go into it with total truth then you will have a better chance of enjoying it.

Dip your toes – This is one of those things that instead of submersing yourself into it from the start I recommend you make small steps towards. I’d say you should start reading a couple of books about it, join some forums and see from there. It definitely helps to learn int his area before jumping in head first.

People will think that polyamory is an unacceptable lifestyle and you have to accept that if you feel you would like to experience it. Many things that have become accepted in recent years go through the stage of opposition, then violent opposition then finally acceptance and this is no different. A lot of it goes on behind closed doors. It has been common practice for a long time but because it is not so “in your face” most people have never even heard of it.

You may face harsh criticism from those close to you if you do decide to do it but isn’t that the way with any major change in your life? If te people around you are not willing to accept this, let them go and move on to people who fully accept you for who you are. For it to work you have to be a pretty advanced human being. You have to largely overcome anger, fear, jealousy and have the resources to provide for several partnerships. If you find yourself entering into it and negative emotions come up then maybe you are not quite ready for it yet.

It’s all about attachment. If you are totally unattached to something but allow yourself to experience it then you are living in accordance with natures basic laws.