I’ve struggled the last few years with purpose in my life. In school I was above average intelligence and nicknamed “The Professor” at age 10. Teachers told me I was a lazy genius. I’d rather spend time throwing radiator-fried grapes at my friends. School life was D-U-L-L.

I had great teachers though because I went to a Grammar School which is a big deal in the UK. These schools teach the top 2% of students in the country. I got detentions regularly in high school but did pretty well with no revision getting mostly B’s and a few C’s.

After picking subjects I had a general interest in, I got accepted into college at 16. I skipped classes constantly and my only goal was trying to be the best table football player. I didn’t want to be in College for the classes but it was better than getting an entry level job. It was starting to bug me now, What was I going to do with the rest of my life? This couldn’t go on forever.

2 years later, and I’d scraped into University by the skin of my teeth. I moved out into my own place and just got drunk every day. It was the popular thing to do and I just bleeted along with the other sheep, scared to listen to my intuition. As the cliché goes “I majored in Alcohol” and once got put in hospital after returning to my house and puking up blood in my flat, not fun.

There was no purpose internal or external in my life and I was drifting aimlessly from one thing to the next. Why was I even here? What was the point in this? I didn’t enjoy my course and my debt increased each day that I stayed here. I had vague goals but didn’t have the self control to even go into University each day.

It’s feeling like therapy writing about this. I’ve put it out of my mind for so long. I had a “University Box” which I cleared out a month ago which has all my old papers that I just didn’t want to face as the memories were so bad.

Down beaten, depressed and in debt I moved into a relatives house and after a few odd jobs here and there I saw an advert in my local paper for a company which is well known in the UK for delivering catalogues door to door.

I phoned up and arranged an interview. Fast forwards to the day and I’ve handed over £75 for a kit of 50 catalogues. The idea being that I post them through doors and when people buy something on an order form I get 50% of that money.

I stuck it out for about 6 weeks, telling myself that it was just I needed to stay at it. After a while my “mentor” called me and told me that there was a huge company meet up in Birmingham at the NEC arena that was free and I WAS INVITED!

It was a place they use for concerts and was huge. We shuffled into out seats with the other 5000 people there. During the show they gave cars to people who had earned so much for the company and the speakers had the audience in uproar shouting in ecstasy and appreciation.

I could feel the energy around me that everyone except me seemed to be plugged into except me. It felt scary and animal-like. I decided on the way home I would leave this as soon as I got home. This definitely was not my purpose. There was still enough strength life left inside me to keep searching. I just hadn’t found it yet.

The Internet Era

After a few short jobs it wasn’t long before I started looking online for work. I got into selling digital products on the net. I earned quite a bit of money, writing about 50 articles per day. I was the guy who had money but hated life. The type of guy we all laugh at and hate to think we might become. I feel sorry for people who do this because I know what it’s like. It’s not fulfilling at all and numbs you as a human.

All my previous failures were nothing compared to this. Whenever I was awake, I was working. I say awake sparingly as I became a robot. I started treating my family like crap and withdrawn into myself. This suffering was deeper because I put in so much effort and hated life even more than when I started.

This radically changed my outlook on life and I started reading up on self-development and spirituality whenever I could and putting it into use. In September 2009, I started this site. I knew immediately I had found my passion. In January 2010 I quit selling products on-line and concentrated all my effort on this blog. And this is where I am now.

So, What Does This Teach Me About Purpose?

When I was younger I couldn’t get my head around what people meant when they said “The tough times will make you stronger” but it’s becoming so clear now. When you have experienced the worst possible scenario you know you can handle them and so can then shoot for your dreams with nothing to lose.

Purpose Takes Time – Your purpose won’t just come to you overnight like on the TV. This business is going well for me but I’ve started 2 businesses before this one and went to University twice. Do what you love and you’ll find your way.

Perseverance Is Key – You might fail with 3 businesses in a row but with perseverance you dust yourself off and stand up for the 4th time. If you run a business do you get angry if your sales dip? Just keep changing your approach and concentrating on providing value and obstacles fall to the side.

Set Your Goals Long Term – If I had of thought long term in the last 3 to 4 years instead of not believing I could do it, I would have been much happier and earning tonnes more money than I do now. Be the tortoise and roll your eyes at the hares.

Never Give Up Your Dream – An easy goal gives you no motivation so you will probably not achieve it. Who cares about earning $10/month in additional income? By setting huge unrealistic goals you get pumped, your creativity and physical energy will go through the roof and these will power you through the tough times.

Success Is On The Far Side Of Failure – Things WILL get tough but I would not change any of the things that happened to me. They make me the man I am now. I have been taught meaning, perseverance, courage and service amongst other priceless things.

Follow Your Passion And The Money Will Follow – By doing what you love the money will come because you will be providing genuine value. Every penny you earn from your passions feels like it’s worth a million times more than a penny from something you hate to do.

The most important lesson I’ve learnt overall is that ultimately there are 2 ways for positive change to happen in your life.

Number #1 is that you will suffer daily until things are so terrible that you can barely get up and look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and you are forced into change. This is the way I learned the last few years and it’s the hard way. Its point is to show us that there is an easier path which is …

Number #2 which is that we choose to change before the problem comes to us. This is what Stephen Covey calls being proactive, not reactive. This happens to people after they have suffered so much after experiencing the first one. We learn to use our human power and we will never have to suffer that much again.

Have You Suffered Enough?

Following Path #1 will lead to years of suffering, but maybe you’re not ready to take control yet and that’s fine.

For those of you out there who feel strong enough, start making proactive choice before life catches up with you.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment ” - Buddha

“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

“Life is Now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be” - Eckhart Tolle

“Before Abraham was, I Am.” - Jesus (John 8:58)

You cannot really argue with that line-up can you! It is like a who is who of spiritual awakening history.

The phrase ‘I Am’ has been one of the most controversial in history. Jesus repeats it several times in the Bible including the mind bending statement “Before Abraham was, I AM”. It is also mentioned directly and indirectly through the work of Eckhart Tolle which I have gained huge wisdom from.

All spiritual seekers and religion founders speak of the same one truth and its spiritual awakening. It is the same truth just expressed by different voices. It is similar to hearing about a football match from fans of opposing teams. Each have their own interpretation but ultimately they all saw the same game. The phrase “I am” means a breaking apart from the dimension of time. When you are in time you are subject to suffering, illness, dis-ease and on the positive side you can plan for the future and learn from the past. When you are in presence in the state of “I am” or “being” you cannot experience illness. Illness requires time. Jesus experienced timelessness and knew, as Zen Masters do today, that the mind cannot comprehend it so bypassed the mind. A great teacher will always tailor his teachings to the student.

“I am” is the state of a mind before it judges something which is the ultimate spiritual state – empty of preconceived notions. You are a human BEING remember, BEING right now. “I am X” means that something is not x which must be so it can be compared too. This is the first phrase which splits the world into two and takes away oneness. When something is described, there must be an opposite to compare it to or it could not be. This is why Lao Tzu says “Difficult and easy complement each other. Long and short define each other. High and low oppose each other.” I am is totally barren of judging. I am X brings multiplicity into the world.

When Jesus uttered the mysterious and profound phrase “Before Abraham was, I AM”, he knew that people would try and understand mentally in the dimension of time what this means but there would be no answer. How could you be in this moment, before something that has already happened? In this way it is similar to a Zen poem which has the aim to awaken you because there is no logical explanation. For example, when your foot touches the ground it is the foot feeling the foot. That one was a huge awakening for me.

It does not mean that he is God as common interpretations will have you believe. Jesus was a man like us all. He had emotional times like in the garden of Gethsemane, got angry at the people selling things in the church etc. These common interpretations come from trying to logically interpret what Jesus meant when the truth is actually ridiculously simple and you will only find it when you stop looking. Jesus is consciousness, perfectly awoken. And since he “Is” that means that he is now. Jesus understood that the spirit can never die but the form, or what he calls “being of this world” can die and shift form whenever it wants to. His form died but his spirit is here.

You are essentially presence. Whenever you are not presence, you are mind. When you are in your mind you are in the past and future so the present gets put on autopilot. The only place of possible change in your life is put on autopilot.

I remember starting to search for deep truth around 14-16 years old. I read books of people like Marcus Aurelius and time management and whilst they were good they felt somewhat skin deep and superficial and I had yet to find anything truly deep.

One day during my university life I was in a book store and saw the book “The Power of Now” on a bookshelf and bought it impulsively without ever having heard of the author or book previously (scarily similar to what happened to someone that I know). After reading it for a while I realised the deep truth in it and experienced alignment with the now for the first time.

It was incredible, everything was fresh and I was aligned with it all, a huge spiritual awakening. I knew that everything was good in the universe and that nothing external could beat this knowing that all was good mixed with deep joy. I remember taking a job after that shuffling files and at dinner times I would walk around the local streets finding trees and plants and having experiences like Moses with the burning bush. You can sense their aliveness by sensing them for the first time not through labels. When you look at something without a label and are totally focused on it, you sense your inner connection and can harm nothing as you know it as yourself.

Since that day I have read the book, I pretty much every week at least once. That was years ago too as I am now 20. It has bought a dimension of depth into my life through its spiritual awakening that I never had before and I see around me many are still blind too.

It taught me that this moment TRULY is the only moment there ever has been or ever will be. Consider this. Have you ever experienced something that did not happen in this moment? Of course not. Jesus WAS before Abraham, he WAS in a physical body and he is now. Or you could say Jesus is before Abraham, Jesus is the leader of Christianity and Jesus is now. Feel free to replace Jesus with any name/label.

I cannot tell you how fulfilling it is to know the deepest truth for yourself. You have to experience it (in this moment I may add). It is so fulfilling to know that every spiritual path leads to the same truth and there is ways for humans to find this as I did.

“I am” is the deepest spiritual awakening truth there is. An idea is to sit in meditation and say as a mental mantra “I am”. Try it a few hundred times 2 times a day for a week and it will give you a spiritual awakening.It might not happen during the mantras it usually happens as you go about your daily business and the statement is allowed to seep into your deeper consciousness.